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oops [Jul. 5th, 2009|11:33 am]
[Current Location |Huff 49]
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]
[Current Music |Plain White T's]

so i decided, why can't me and derek be friends? so were workin on it right.
i slept with him. christ.

i go over to his house the other night around 4am (yeah, it was one of those nights HA) and smoke him out cuz he's asked me before.
thought everything was all chill, because we just had this conversation and he made it pretty clear he didn't want me anymore, but of course he decideds to mess with my mind again. all he had to do is say one thing and im weak at the fucking knees for him. but he kept asking me to spend the night, and i wouldn't. it's not like i didn't want to, but i also don't want him thinking that he can get me whenever he wants and what not. thennn, i left the next night for chico and didnt see him for a few days. i got home yesterday and saw him at work. it's like i'm 10 because everytime he walks by i get a sense of excitement/nerves/butterflies all thrown into one.  So yesterday when i first see him he walks by and its the little things that get me.. a simple touch on my hip and im confused all again. are we going to pretend nothing happened or what? fuck.

but i love yosemite and i really never wanna leave.

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am i on a rollercoaster? [Jun. 29th, 2009|11:12 pm]
[Current Location |Yosemite National Park]

it's funny how one person can have such an effect on you and the way you look at life. good and bad. i have some people in my life who inspire me to be such a better person, then there's always the certain few who make things impossible.

The other night i ended up talking to him for a good 2 hours. Things have been
super awkward, and terrible, between us lately, and this talk made things.. better? He feels like i hate him and blah blah... sorry you turned into an ass hole in front of my eyes, but i don't hate him thats for sure. It made things SO much better, but at the same time i still have feelings for him that just won't go away. fuck.

Housing and my work both think im an alcoholic. I swear i'm not worse then all the other drunken employees around here. I'm thinking i might need to lay low for a bit. (i can try can't i)

Heading to Chico in a few days to see some people//my new freaking house. and when i say people, i mean.. we still talk every dang day, so i dont know what to expect?

i love life.
i love yosemite.
i love my family.
i love summer, and everything that it comes with.

cheers. :)

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fuck [Jun. 23rd, 2009|09:57 am]
[Current Location |Huff 49]
[Current Mood |numbnumb]

why am i even surprised? i knew this was going to happen. He doesn't even talk to me anymore, and it is the most uncomfortable awkward situation ever. fuck fuck fuck. i hate work now. i don't want to be around him, but it doesn't work that way. How is it that i was attached after just a few days? But maybe it's not even that, maybe it's the fact that he is with another girl and i see them constantly. Sure, "ill get stronger" blah blah blah. i dont give a fuck. hes just like every other guy, what did i expect?
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already? [Jun. 22nd, 2009|11:21 am]
[Current Location |Huff 49]
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]
[Current Music |Ratatat]

i need some new excitement.
i think ive found a new boy to chase.
yay for me, and yay for not giving a fuck about anything :)
bring it.
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above and beyond. [Jun. 20th, 2009|11:05 am]
[Current Location |Huff Town, USA]
[Current Mood |peacefulpeaceful]

so i'm back in the woods, and i literally could not be happier..
this summer has turned into something beyond amazing ((and it has only begun..))

a few nights before me and my sis left for the valley, we drank a gallon of wine and were talking about this upcoming adventure. For some odd reason, we had this feeling that it was going to be a strange summer.. and fuck, nothing could be more true! I could not ask for a better time with better people. I have grown into so more of myself this summer, and i am truly happy for once.
i feel alive.
i feel at peace.
i feel at home.
Every night i count down the minutes at work just so i can go and hang out. i LOVE these people here and already feel attached. Last summer i feel like i only hung out with a small group of close friends, but this year, although i do have those certain people, it's one big hangout. Cheap Seats - Community Center.. which is the smartest decision housing has made. Lets cage a bunch of drunks till 1am, then set them free. --brilliant!--

So my summer goal was to hook up with my insanely hot manager D. --check that off my list. I really thought i'd be tough, but i am happy whenever i'm with him and that's all that matters. I'm over worrying about the future and what's to come, live in today and embrace everything that comes with it.

Work sucks. shitty shitty shitty. I knew it wasn't going to be great or anything but fuck, i HATE it. The only good thing about it is that i have senority over basically everyone- so fuck off bitches =)
--last night i was up at the cheap seats with a bunch of people, and chris asked me to walk into the grill with him. (no big, right?) so i decided to put my beer in my back pocket (which i have done thousands of times. actually, i usually just walk around holding//drinking it in there..) But my new manager renee decides that she is going to make my life suck. Asks me for an ID, and of course semi-drunk me says yeah sure.. (smoooothhh) and then she gives me a speech about how she knows i'm not 21 and if i have alcohol again then i could be fired. I probably should have taken that more seriously, but honestly, i just dont care. but then housing talks to me too! i swear i was not that drunk. I know it should make me think twice, but it really doesn't matter to me. I'm just here having fun, taking it day by day (nothing more - nothing less)

but i wish that i could sum up this summer into a few sentences, but it really is impossible.
i love everything about this place. ((home sweet home))
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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2009|07:07 pm]
terrorism final.. dominated!
only 3 to go!! then drinks, and off on my next adventure.
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put a fork in it. [May. 18th, 2009|11:27 pm]
[Current Location |Chico Library]

my brain is fried. i have been cramming terrorism into my mind for the past 48 hours. i love it, don't get me wrong, but enough is enough. My finals tomorrow, and this is really the only one i am stressin over.. and the sad thing is, im really worried about it because my professor expects SO much outta me. Professor Grosscup is my hero.. he even stuck it to Bill O'Reilley! hell yes! But because i was in his class last semester too (and signed up again for next one) he put the bar way up there. Sometimes it feels good to be pushed like this. Why cant i give a shit about any other classes? hmm.

Just gotta keep telling myself that the reward will be SO worth it. Friday everything will be over! Bars bars bars. Then Saturday Effie and Kate get here!! I am so so soo excited for our reunion. It seems like just yesterday we were in yosemite together. Then couchsurfing in San Fran Sunday // Monday.. just wandering the streets with no map. The introducing them to the beautiful Lake Tahoe on Tuesday! and for the cherry on the top, home in the valley wednesday!! nothing better.

Back to the books..

a good postsecret i came upon today..
Riverside, California
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flyin high like a kite. [May. 11th, 2009|10:39 pm]
[Current Location |Chico]
[Current Mood |highhigh]
[Current Music |Sublime]

its starting to hit me..
2 more weeks and im outta here!! i have been looking forward to this practically all year..
i am dying to get back to that valley BUT i just realized how much i am going to miss these people. they're practically my family. as much as i hate school (and oh do i hate it ) these people are everything. weekends keep getting better and better.

finals are sucking the life outta me. i feel like i checked outta school last week (who would want to be in class when its this kinda weather .. ? ) but i really need to step it up. my teacher said theres a chance that i can pull a c- in Spanish. (small small chance..) but still.. hell for 2 weeks, then all will be well!!

boys boys boys.
i just like the chase, then once i get it.. im over it. Lemus is trying SO hard for whatever, but i just am not feeling like it. (maybe he shouldnt bring girls home in front of me .. ) but i have found a new challenge.. his roommate.. DO NOT JUDGE! first off, im 20 fucking years old, i do what i want. Ive made out with his roommate a few times (sober, hell no) but its so hard. i cant go over there, he cant go over here. BAH. but the chase is all i care about, when will i ever want a serious relationship?

biking all over the park.
cant beat it.

work can suck it! im almost outta there!! yeeea.
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2009|12:52 am]
i hate papers.
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sharks won !! [Apr. 21st, 2009|10:52 pm]
[Current Location |Chico]
[Current Mood |highhigh]
[Current Music |Girl Talk]

slacker slacker slacker stressssss..
pretty much sums my life up.
i talked to my dad earlier tonight, told him how im doing this semester (...) that was fun.
i chose my classes for next fall though!! and im only repeating 2 from this semester (...) jesus.

i NEED to get back to that valley. people just arent supposed to be this stressed in life. i wanna go back where lifes all good and the livins easy.

i said i wasnt going to drink this past weekend (HA)
thursday night: SMASHED! it was so so so good to reconnect with old friends! the gang back together, jake kirst me and russ. seriously, i love them! thats all we needed, just the four of us, my good friend Bud and my other pal admral
friday: workeedddd, chilled.
saturday: came home from work at 8, had to buy alcohol for everyone (who of course never give me all of the money !! the only downfall of having an id. )

i talked to my dad tonight and it makes me sad how much i am disappointing him. everytime i get off the phone i tell myself im going to try harder but that lasts like 2 minutes.. crap.

but dang this chico heat is already gettin the best of me. its 11 oclock, and i am in my room with my fan on, window open, sweating like a crazy person. i love this place though.
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